Baseball!

Okay...I don't do a lot of random baseball posting. But I will today. And I'm posting on the Red Sox-Mariners game from yesterday which, oddly, has a great deal of interest to me as an Angel fan. Not for any bearing on the pennant race or anything like that -- it's April (and, c'mon, it's the Mariners), but for two things.

#1: Something for the Tiger fans to enjoy

	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	HR	ERA
Weaver (L, 0-1)	2.0	7	7	7	2	1	1	31.50

That's the pitching line for Jeff Weaver who was AWFUL for the Angels last year (was cut in favor of his little brother) and ended up on the Cardinals. And, of course, with the Cardinals, he ends up finding himself all baseball/spiritually renewed and is a huge key to beating the Tigers and winning the World Series. This guy dominated. It didn't make any sense. You know, because he usually stinks.

And then he went back to the American League. And, in his first start with Seattle, gave up 7 runs in two innings. And my favorite thing about Jeff Weaver is that he's the only player I know of who, consistently, looks absolutely terrified. It's true. This isn't one of those "terrified" pictures, but it is something that became fairly common during his tenure with the Angels -- walking sadly and slowly from the mound with his head down. Looks like it'll be the same deal with Seattle, assuming they let him pitch much more.

Maybe Jeff should've stayed in the NL after all. Just a thought. O maybe there was no way around it. He was given one great month in the big leagues. And, hey, the next time the Tigers get to face him, they'll clobber him. Of course, they'll just be beating the Mariners.


#2:
I'm glad to see that great rivalries carrying on. The Angels and Nationals got into a brawl a couple of years ago that included a little bench clearing and a lot of angry talks from the two teams. Now this feud has taken on new life with the Mariners and the Red Sox. Two of the key guys from that previous grudge match have landed on these teams and Brendan Donnelley and Jose Guillen evidently still aren't the best of friends.
Here's more:
http://cbs.sportsline.com/mlb/story/10119576

Sigh. We'll see what the rest of the Angels will get from Guillen when the Angels and Mariners play later this season. Because Donnelley wasn't the only one who didn't dig the guy. It should be fun.

Puppy

Yeah, yeah...I've been a little longer coming back to the blog than I might have expected. I've had a busy week and, really, that's probably not good enough for you, not after the way I've neglected you in the past. I mean, what can I do, dear blog reader, to mend these old proverbial fences?

I'm thinking pictures of a cute puppy. Lots of pictures of said puppy. This is Jeka (she's known as Jeko in the Atlantic Coast State, Jeka in the midwest). I keep have to fight the urge to type in "Jerka," which isn't fair, because she's not a jerk at all. Anyway, here's Jeka at my place earlier this week.

Clearly she's happy beside that couch. Her tune would change if I was to lift up that slipcover, let me tell you. It's like an explosion of grandmas under there.

Can you see the invisible thread on that tennis ball? No, because it's invisible!


All right, she's cute. I'm assuming you've got that by now.

If only I were as interesting as that tennis ball in my hand. Geez, just imagine how cool I could be.

I'm the dog hypnotist -- let go of the tennis ball, let go of your fears.


I'm explaining the story of the baby Jesus to Jeka.

Man, that Kevin in the background -- he wears some shiny shorts.

11 days.

11 days. It's been eleven days since my last post and, really, this entry is just to change the scenery when you log to my blog. O v. C has been forced to take a bit of a hiatus because of the man's constant attempts to keep me down. Or something. But we will resume in a fairly regular way next tuesday. And don't miss the excitement as I do things like make comments about stuff. Also, an interview with Adam Clay, the fine poet behind behind the recently released book The Wash.

So, see you all next week.

Letters

I've recently been spending a lot of time reading the compiled letters of Lowell and Berryman and have been feeling pretty shallow in terms of the letters (or emails as the kids today call 'em) I usually send. Now, I'm not posturing myself as some kind of Lowell, but, you know, collected letters seem interesting and nifty and all that and I'm shooting myself in the foot by not even having a chance. For your consideration, here are three recent correspondences sent out by me (all culled from recent MySpace emails):

1.
"Well, we've always got our karaoke machine in case you suffer from withdrawls. "


2.
"Just wanted to say thanks to Jus Rhyme and his friends for the great job they did at Western Michigan University Saturday night at the Hip Hop/Racism panel.

I've talked to several people since that event and people seemed really willing to talk about things that are generally taboo -- the poetry class I teach has mentioned the panel in each of our last two meetings and I think that's a sign that things went well.

So thanks for your good work,
J. "


3.
"Ooops. Sorry. It sounds like a fun idea and I'm certainly interested. I just don't know what my summer situation is, so I'd like to get things settled with that before I plan ahead.

I'll let you know soon,
J. "


See? Boring at best and totally not something anybody's ever going to study (expect maybe the Jus Rhyme stuff).

So I've decided to make up some letters and get them out there as the real indication of what it is I'm writing in terms of correspondence. So, get ready future biographers and collected letter editors -- this is the good stuff!

--



Dear Mr. Strand,

Hope this letter finds you well and I hope also that you don't find it too forward. Roy Seeger, who has had fine poems appearing aplenty as of late, and I will be traveling to New York in a few months and were wondering if we can stay with you for the week. It will likely be in July, when the weather is warm and a pilgrimage seems fitting. Do reply and let us know.

I tend to not be prone to idle flattery, so take the praise that follows as earnest. I spent a good half hour with your most recent book "Man and Camel" and was able to read the volume in its entirety twice. These are poems not to be forgotten.

Sincerely,
Jason Olsen.

---

Roy,

The poems you've sent me are clearly a labor of love. The footnotes are used with care (mostly) and seem to resonate, at least to me, within the lines. It is true that these are a departure for you and I applaud you for that. Expect me to make more careful and thoughtful comments in time, but I haven't spent enough times with the poems to feel comfortable enough with them.

You must stop constantly querying the past. Somethings need be buried.

Again much congratulations on these recent poems. I think there is likely a much praise coming for them in the future.

Have not heard back from Strand but I expect word from him soon. I'll be heading up to visit you soon.

Affectionately,
Jason.

P.S. Tell Bruce that Bender says hello and send my love to Amanda. I have sent her a letter as well (I'll make sure that one includes instruction for a hello to you).

--

Metzger,

If it was not for you and Robyn, I would have a hard time acknowledging Arkansas even existed. As it is, I suppose I must. I've been meaning to respond for days to your previous correspondence, but those days do get the better of me.

I've been working on an extended poem as of late, one that is now bordering on 500 lines. I have worked today, sculpting 5 lines that I now feel secure with and will take off a few days before returning to it. I have decided to spend these days away from it instead responding to letters and rereading Strand's new book. Have you read it?

The poem itself is progressing with little input from me, it seems, spiraling as does the most chaotic of spirals. I am focused on character as I have never before done, creating a figure out of a George Eliot novel, had George Eliot had the profound pleasure of reading Toni Morrison and being enlightened therein. Also, it is set in Joesph Heller-esque fantasy land, with the machinations of a Browning dramatic personae manipulating the events. All in all, it is proceeding and that is all I can say about it. I've sent an early version to Jorie Graham, but have yet to hear a response. That's likely for the best; the version she received seems like several revisions ago and I am mostly embarrassed by it now.

I'm thinking of traveling for the better part of the next three years. Any suggestions?

Love to you and Robyn,
Jason.

---

Delzer,

The summer trip to Iowa sounds like a well-needed relief. I've been working on this poem of mine for what seems like an eternity and since I don't plan on finishing it until the fall, several months in Iowa City will serve me well. Robin and Josh will be happy to allow us to stay with them for as long as we need, a few months will likely be no problem. Though it might be worth looking up Dean Young and seeing if he would be willing to find a place for some traveling poets. Perhaps the promise of conversation until dawn will be enough for us to offer in exchange.

Speaking of which, have you read Young's latest? It's another triumph, I think, and, as you know, I don't say such things lightly. He's a difficult poet to define, but it's a definition that ultimately needs not be bothered with because the poems themselves transcend such trivialities. Make sure you stock your store with plenty of copies -- I've no doubt the book buying public in Spokane will make it worth your while.

Haven't seen any poems of yours in ages. Would love to change that, if you've got anything to send me. Send a prayer or two my way as far as my work and I'd be happy to return them in spades.

Yours affectionately,
Jason.

Freeze!

I worked with a group of second and third graders yesterday and, I've got to say, I think I've written a poem that works brilliantly if its main purpose is to freak our second and third graders. I've twice read this poem to audiences of elementary school kids and twice gotten the same sort of "really?" disbelieving but kind of thinking it might be true reactions. I don't post a lot of poems (well, any), but I want to share this one. And I've included a picture of myself from the school district's monthly newsletter to add to my legitimacy.


Freeze Tag

I knew this kid once,
Jimmy West,
who was playing freeze tag
and, after he was frozen,
no one ever unfroze him,
and he stayed that way
for nine years.
All through middle school
and high school,
his friends had to wheel him around
on a cart and his parents
had to feed him dinner by hand.
Teachers just thought he was strange.
But his friends knew--
he was intense.
Finally, on his 17th birthday,
Allison Kalinwoski,
a girl who was playing that day,
tagged him and removed the spell.
You're free, she said.
Jimmy stretched his arms
and smiled. Wanna play
again? he asked.

My Favorite Color is Spite

Okay. Here's one of those silly quizzes that circulate around MySpace bulletins and what not. You know the kind -- where certain questions get mysteriously removed along the way so that you get giants numbering gaps. Yeah, those. Well, I decided to do one and share it with the world.

Here's the game...

You.Can.Only.Type.One.Word.

Not as easy as you might think.

(Okay...that was the game's description. This is my note. I'm saying it is easy -- because I combined the One Word Quiz with the Random Word Generator -- I found it at
http://watchout4snakes.com/creativitytools/RandomWord/RandomWord.aspx. It just throws out random nouns at me. Let's see what happens. Maybe we'll find some happy accidents in these answers).


1. Where is your cell phone?
Bible

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Scheduling

3. Your hair?
Piano

4. Your mother?
Visit

5. Your father?
Inclining

6. Your favorite Item?
Leaf

7. your dream last night?
Deal

8. Your favorite drink?
Undoing

9. Your dream car/bike?
Replacement

12. Your fears?
Thick

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Tangent

15. What you're not good at?
Jacket

16. Muffins?
Vote

17. One of your wish list items?
Uniform

18. Where you grew up?
Incoming

19. The last thing you did?
Divide

20. What are you wearing?
Pit

21. What aren't you wearing?
Grave

22. Your pet?
Bell

23. Your computer?
Motorway

25. Your mood?
Mass

26. Missing?
Pitfall

27. What are you thinking about right now?
Glove

28. Your car?
Architecture

29. Your work?
Coloring

30. Your summer?
Condom

31. Your relationship status?
Prince

32. Your favorite color?
Spite

33. When is the last time you laughed?
Funeral

34. Last time you cried?
Identifier

35. School?
Critic

What time is it?

What time is it? I have no idea. I mean, have you been to my house? You think the clocks are going to give you the answer you're looking for? Well, anyway, it's 3:45 PM. Thankfully Kevin is on point with the whole daylight savings time thing and has his share of clocks updated. I don't. For example, here's a clock in the kitchen:

And here's what my watch says:

I love this watch because it allows me to have two different incorrect times at once. The hands read 12:40, I think. The digital readout is 44:41. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it's probably more accurate than the microwave:

"What time is it?" "Oh, it's :40." "Thanks!"

And what about the clock that sits beside my bed? The one on my nightstand that makes sure I am always in touch and connected to the pulse of the world? Well, it says:


Here's one that works! It's in my living room!


And, before you get all impressed and what-not because I set it ahead an hour and all that, I'll confess that I did indeed set it ahead an hour. A year ago. I figure, you know, it's right on for half the year and that's pretty good, really.

Captain America

So. Captain America's dead. Yeah, I saw it on CNN a day or two ago and looked it up on-line. Evidently, the comic book writers decided this was a good idea. Now obviously, this being the comic book world, his death is merely a set-up for his inevitable return and all that, but it still strikes me as a odd move. I can't say I'm too attached these days or anything like that -- I haven't really read comics for a long time, but when I did, I always liked Cap -- in fact, of all those comics in the closet at my family's house, I doubt I've collected any individual comic more than Captain America (tho' as a character, Spider-Man is certainly up there).


I liked Cap because he did the right thing in the right way. But don't get me wrong, it was just the blatant propaganda behind it -- with the proper writers, he was able to be pretty compelling. And contrary to the thing people might assume about him, he really wasn't as one-note a character as is often argued. He had issues with the best of them -- he was concerned over being too much a symbol versus being an actual human being. He was a character who had sacrificed any possibility of a normal life for the chance to defend his country and its people and he was really never even given much of a choice. And, yeah, with the occasional girlfriend issue thrown-in (and, man, how hard would it be to date Captain America...geez), there was certainly humanity in both the character and the comics.

So, Cap's death -- real exciting and heroic, I'm sure, right? Welllll..... like I said, I haven't been following, but they've done this huge crossover "Civil War" thing where the government decides to force all costumed heroes to register themselves and expose their identities. There's a hero group who supports this (lead by Iron Man) and one that is against this (Cap's team). Now, maybe I'm a bit of idealist here, but shouldn't our sympathies automatically go along with the team that is questioning the government's decision here? Aren't comic books still (in some way, anyhow) enough a part of the counter-culture for us to root for the guys who are try to keep the integrity of the "secret identity" construct intact and question the government authority over our lives? I mean, that's always been the beauty of Captain America -- and probably those who disregarded him as a "Go USA" guys didn't get this -- but Cap (as I remember him, maybe things have changed) was always pretty unhappy about being told what to do. He was hardly a government pawn, in fact giving up the suit and name once back when I was a kid because he didn't want the government to have control over what he did. Maybe Cap was a pretty black-and-white character compared to "cool" guys like Wolverine, but he was a rebel at heart and he was a defender of American ideals and the people, not the government. And when I read about this Civil War thing, it sound like maybe they got it right -- Cap standing heroically against the overbearing government's "Patriot Act" agenda. So, yeah, Cap fighting the system is the way this thing ought to be played out.


But it seems (I'm basing this on the Wikipedia write up, so be warned. Though it's difficult to doubt much about Wikipedia when it comes to comic books) the writers had a tendency to be more sympathetic toward the Iron Man/pro-government registration side and the battle ends when Captain America -- concerned over the loss of innocent life -- surrenders, unmasks himself and surrenders to the government officials. He is then shot and killed by orders of the Red Skull.

What? Wow. Really? That's just not cool. Again, I haven't read any of this in context (and I don't really have much desire to do so) and the thought is that he's frozen in ice ready to be thawed out at some point (though they have already done that) or somehow brought to life, but it just seems so dismissive a way of getting rid of a character that embodies the ideals of a country (and not necessarily the country itself). And, really, if you're going to kill Cap -- even fake kill him -- shouldn't it be in some heroic fashion? Not shot all Jack Ruby-style walking under police custody.

Oh well, Cap. You'll be missed. And I'm sorry that your death was caused by a seemingly poorly written and executed marketing strategy to exploit your demise mainstream publicity and for comic sales. Or, at best, an allegory about the state of our country (though, it seems, at various points during Cap's existence, the country seemed to be facing some problems, too). For what it's worth, I won't buy anything. I'll just pose my small Captain America in various ways to celebrate you and what you mean to me.

The System Works

Yes, it's true. The system does work. And I can say this with absolute confidence and certainty because yesterday, when I was in the process of possibly being selected as a juror for a trial, the trial was resolved and I got to go home. The case was worked out by the lawyers during lunch (which was an hour longer than the judge had told us, but clearly those wheels of justice were in motion, so whatever) and when we got back to the courtroom, we aspiring jurors were told that everything had worked out (I suppose -- the former defendant, we were told, had gone "home") and the trial -- which the judge had told us would last at least 3 or 4 days -- ended before it started. So that meant that I didn't have to spend almost all of my Spring Break at the

Kalamazoo Court House. Which looks something like this. Just colder now. I guess when our friends at the Kalamazoo County Website took this picture, it was warmer outside (that was my way of crediting the picture without disrupting the flow of the prose, just in case I have any readers who are in to retracing my steps and all that).

And, if you were wondering, I spent most of that two-hour lunch in the juror waiting room staring at their strange collection of magazines. From the potential political agenda of National Review to the downright weirdness of having multiple issues of Cat Fancy.

So good work, American Judicial System. You let me go home early and I salute you for that.

Brackets!

I'm off to report for jury duty in a few minutes (and here's hoping that's as brief and painless as possible) but before I go, I've been meaning to share a book discovery that I came across in Newsweek a few weeks back. A book in which I am, apparently, the intended audience.

This happens every now and then, right? A movie/book/play/television show comes out and, it seems, it has been created entirely with you in mind. It's nice when it happens because it allows me/you to forgive all of the media released that so callously exists without any recognition of my/your needs whatsoever. Of course, the things that come out with an intended audience of me are usually universally reviled things like Mars Attacks. Still.

Anyway, the current book. As far as I know, it was released today. Here's the cover (which I took from BN.com if you're interested in that sort of thing).

So, yeah. It's a book that ranks stuff. In bracket form! This is the best thing ever, especially since I spent the better part of last Spring with a dry erase board with a pre-printed bracket imagining who would win a battle between my cat and a taco or the wind and a mesh baseball cap. Oh, it's exciting.

And, really the book looks fairly legit and cool and all that. I'm kind of excited about getting my hands on it. Eventually. I made a fairly large purchase recently and I probably shouldn't run out and get anything else frivolous. But this book does look fun.

So our current match-up is staying inside vs. reporting for jury duty. Ack, I think I know what wins this one.

Vibraphone

One of my favorite things to do when teaching a poetry writing class is to have the class (as a unit) decide on a poem title that they will all use when writing a new poem. Each student comes up with three, we write 'em all up on the board and then vote it down until we get one. I got the idea from Nance Van Winckel back when I was getting my MFA and it has served me well since. Previous titles in my classes have included "Flattened Penny Trainwreck" and "Reindeer Fury" (which was chosen at a time that was really not that close to Christmas, by the way).

So this semester, my advanced poetry class has come up with "Vibraphone" (which edged out "Damn Drunks"). Anyone want to give it a shot too? A poem with "Vibraphone" as a title. How tough can it be? I've been working on one too -- whether or not it has anything to do with this guy, I won't say:

Say what you will about him. He's got an impressive instrument.

And, yeah, if anybody wants to share their Vibraphone poems, post 'em on the comments.

Always Wanted to see Jus Rhyme in Person?

If you're around Kalamazoo this weekend, here's an event to check out -- two of the stars of vh1's (white) rapper show will be paired with two faculty members at WMU to discuss racism and what can be done on a community level. Should be interesting. Hopefully.

It's at 7 pm at the Berhard Center, room 208. See you there.

Just in Case...

If I lost any of my demographic from that last post about literature and interviews and Charlie Rose and what-not, here's a silly picture from the web to try and win 'em back. Well, the picture's as silly as a photo featuring an artist's rendering of a rapist can be.

Someday Soon

As was suggested to me not long ago by Molly Jo Rose, this blog seems like a good place to do things beyond just posting funny videos of vegans or posts about celebrities I'm told I look like (both of which are certainly staples of the O v. C that aren't going anywhere). Specifically, the idea is that I can occasionally post interviews (that will likely be somewhat tongue-in-cheek) with writers and people involved somehow in the book/publishing/writing/performing biz.

Obviously, I envision myself in this way:

Look how thoughtful and caring Charlie Rose is. One hand folded gently into the other -- the fingers not crossed in what would undoubtedly be an aggressive gesture. He's really interested in whatever it is that whoever this is he's talking to has to say. I mean, my chin isn't nearly that dimpled, but I can do this. Yeah, "tell me about this new book." That feels pretty natural. "What's the publishing life like these days?" Man, I've got a thousand of these. I should probably save 'em for the actually interviews. Or, you know, Charlie Rose (upon Googling himself) might have found this page and begun writing them down.

And those actually interviews, of course, depend somewhat upon my reading public (if 4 constitutes a public). Would you or someone you know be a good fit for a segment on Octopus vs. Chipmunk? Let me know (and that includes you, Charlie Rose). I have a couple of interviews in the works, but I would certainly like to have more.

So yeah, someday soon, we'll do something like this.

And they're all Cardinals now. Weird.

These are, of course, three of my favorite baseball players. And somebody found a clip of them "acting" in a tv show. And I found the clip.

And, wow, they were/are a good infield, but they're not very good actors. Shocking, I know. They seem starstruck only there aren't any stars they get to be in this scene with (though the guy is in the not-soccer "Kicking and Screaming" and he is awesome. In that. Not this).

And, totally, I know Spezio, Eckstein, Kennedy -- would recognize them anywhere. But I'll admit these guys might not be the biggest marque names in sports. But, man, the cast here does their best to sell these three like they're Magic, Bird, and Jordan in their Dream Team jerseys. The guy looks like he's going to flip out. And the She-Spies are all coy, but they know what's up. That's Adam Kennedy. Adam Kennedy. This isn't just a normal day with the She-Spies. This is HUGE.

Think they fought over who got to say the "Who wants to be touched by an Angel?" line. Kennedy got it, I think. But Eckstein gets to pull a monkey out of his pants, so everybody's happy.

But really, if these ballplayers aren't great, I'm going to blame the writing of this show more than anything else. Anybody actually know what this show is? She-Spies? I don't know it, and I think that's saying something.

Anyway, they're all on the same team again, so maybe they'll get together for another acting gig. Here's hoping that, at the very least, local St. Louis tv viewers get to watch them advertise something or other.

And, stay tuned for the special bonus Stuart Scott footage. And local LA news personalities. Man, this show is STAR-STUDDED. But, yeah, without the stars.

Literature for Dummies

Because Octopus vs. Chipmunk is, at its heart, a literature website (well, that's a keyword I clicked once on some kind of search engine registry), I figured it was time to talk about literature. Like, you know, what is it.

When I'm in doubt at moments like this, I do one of two things. Curl into the fetal position in a corner of the room behind the door and cry. Or go to Wikipedia. I already cried once today, so let's go to Wikipedia!

So, I typed "literature" and clicked.

And I received a lengthy and thorough article in return. Which was cool 'cause I was thinking that Wikipedia was mostly just dedicated to Japanese cartoon characters (and yes, I'm using the word "cartoons" in anticipation of a backlash) and obscure actors and actresses.

I think I once noticed that Steve Feffer, faculty member at Western Michigan and a playwright who has had a great deal of stuff produced and published, had a Wikipedia entry. It is no longer there, which made me realize that someone consciously decided that this writer--who has work can be read or seen in performance with little difficulty--was not worth a Wikipedia entry.
But you can find Lisa Rieffel which, obviously, would be a more useful resource for research. She is much hotter than Steve, though.

• 

That picture of her? Came from a website called "King of Queens World." That made me sad.

Also, the "anime" page is larger than the "literature" page, though not by much. So there's a chance this literature thing can make it after all.

So let's see what it says about literature. I'll leave all those links in there in case you need to refer back to find out what an "historical period" is. Go ahead, I can wait.

"Nations can have literatures, as can corporations, philosophical schools or historical periods. Popular belief commonly holds that the literature of a nation, for example, comprises the collection of texts which make it a whole nation. "

So, confess, you clicked on "nations" and "nation" to see if they were the same, right? Or did you simply forget the definition of "nation" by its second appearance? Though they didn't give us the hyperlink by its third appearance. Hmmm, maybe they developed enough confidence in their readers to assume they don't need it hypertexted three times. Oh well, hopefully someone will fix it someday. And then unfix it. Oh, the cycle of wikis.

One thing I really dig about this first sentence, the thing that gives me a tremendous amount of hope (you can read that as "no hope," by the way) is that "corporations" is listed second among the possible entities that can have literature. Nations first. Corporations second! Second! And then, sure, philosophical schools or historical periods, but those are afterthoughts. And what about specific cultures, ethnic backgrounds, communities built on a shared racial background or gender? That's too liberal, I suppose, so we won't even consider it a real afterthought 'cause, yeah, no one talks about African-American Literature or Women's Literature. But they're always talking about Citicorp Literature. In fact, I believe I'll be teaching a class on the Literature of General Mills next semester. We'll mostly be reading cereal boxes, but it's very worthwhile. Here is one of our primary texts:

The article doesn't seem to talk much about "literature" as a term referring to documents you would distribute to elucidate some subject matter of importance to the entity (like a church or a corporation would use), yet the word "corporation" still appears. Thank you, mysterious wiki user, for making sure that even in an entry that spends most of its time discussing artistic writing (well, trying to discuss artistic writing), you still get me thinking about capitalism and business. For no actual reason. Bravo.

Anyway, later in the entry, it discusses poetry and makes this little claim:

"Language and tradition dictate some poetic norms: Persian poetry always rhymes, Greek poetry rarely rhymes, Italian or French poetry often does, English and German can go either way (although modern non-rhyming poetry often, perhaps unfairly, has a more "serious" aura)"

"Perhaps unfairly?" It's little statements like that and the corporation crap that make Wikipedia so dangerous. These little subtle things that people stick into wikis that seem innocuous if you don't know the subject very well. I mean, to make a statement like "non-rhyming poetry often, perhaps unfairly, has a more "serious" aura" shows either a lack of knowledge of any poetry since Whitman or a complete disregard for contemporary poetry (and the use of the word "modern" also shows that this editor is a fairly clueless tool, assuming that modern, I'm guessing, means "now"). And quoting the word ""serious"" so as to emphasis how foolish and lazy people who don't write in rhyme are, mocking the mere idea that what they do is serious.

I'm guessing this person has not spent a huge chunk of the last eight years reading poems for literary journals. If had, "perhaps" it could be determined that people who write in rhyme today are usually completely unversed (that's a pun) on the ins and outs of contemporary lit (and therefore not really part of it) or trying to be funny. There is an outlet for people who excel in writing exclusively in rhyme and rhythm -- it's called popular music. Be serious there. Not in English poetry. Which, oddly, has evolved in very interesting way since Tennyson. You should look some of those writers up. Wikipedia has entries on some of them.

Oh, and in its "poets" entry, it lists these guys as being among the most influential and profound writers in English literature.:

Chaucer, William Shakespeare, John Milton, Wordsworth, John Keats, W. B. Yeats, T. S. Eliot and Ezra Pound.

It's kind of no-brainer list. Sort of. There are only so many you can list. But Pound? Seems odd. Somewhere Blake is smashing his head against a wall in sadness and disgust.

The 19th Century is for Losers

Much to my delight, I have learned that one of my all-time favorite songwriters/vocalists is going to be singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl today. That is, of course, Billy Joel.

Okay, that was sarcasm. I don't so much like Billy Joel. In fact, he really bothers me on levels that I'm not even sure I fully understand. But I'll allow you to travel into my dark dark heart by listening to my inner-thoughts as I read an article about Billy Joel's feelings about singing at the big game.

This is the part of the blog where I would put a picture representing the subject of my blog. But I don't want to lower myself to that. So here's a picture of Prince, who will be singing at halftime. Prince is cool.

I've included the article I found in red italics. My responses are blue. Patriotic, eh?

While Prince (see picture above--my note) will tackle the half-time show at Miami's Dolphin Stadium, Sunday's Super Bowl XLI will kick off with the National Anthem sung by Billy Joel – who calls it "a tough song."

"It's not the greatest song ever written," Joel, 57, told a group of reporters in Miami Beach this week, when asked how it is to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner. "What it represents is a terrific thing. But 'America The Beautiful' is actually a better song."

So, according to Billy Joel, freedom (which I guess we can safely say is what the song represents) is a "terrific thing." That's big of you. But it isn't the best song ever written. Which, while likely true, is also true of every self-indulgent crap lyric Billy Joel ever put to pen. And while Billy is forced to sing this song that is evidently beneath him for the joy and pleasure of all of us, we can rest assured in knowing that brilliant tunes like "Uptown Girl" probably won't be sung much in a couple hundred years. Unlike the lousy song he has to sing today.

What makes the Frances Scott Key lyrics so tough, Joel explained, is that the anthem, "was written early in the 19th century, and that's the vernacular of the song. Nobody remembers the lyrics because they don't know what they mean. The melody is difficult, and everybody drops out in the high notes. It's kind of a slog, actually."

Geez, everybody knows that nothing done or written in the 19th century is worth anything. Well, except "America the Beautiful," I guess, but the version we know was written in the first decade or two of the twentieth century and, clearly, the vernacular is pretty much the same then as it is now. There were some huge linguistic shifts from 1800 to 1890, but for the hundred years following, nothing changed.

And, man, this guy's an ass. People don't remember the words to the song because they don't know what they mean? Is that why the lyrics of a Billy Joel songs are so simple? Because we're dealing with a guy without the capacity to understand complex lyrics like "bombs bursting in air" and "broad stripes and bright stars." Look, here's the plot of the song -- there's a war, a guy sees the American flag waving and he realizes that, in even this most desperate time, the resilience and courage that flag represents is still alive. Seems like a pretty decent song to me and if you have trouble remembering the words because a couple of them are too big for you or you're frightened by the "vernacular" of a previous century, here's a suggestion: get a dictionary and shut up. Or, better yet, let someone else with a little more class and talent than you sing the song.

When asked what will be going through his mind just before the performance, he cracked: "Don't forget the words."

What a wit. Other things going through his mind: "Wow, I am Billy Joel. I am the greatest singer. Songwriter, too. I am lowering myself by singing this inferior song. I should be singing "Always a Woman." Or "She's Got a Way." Or "Just the Way You Are." I mean, they all sound the same, sure, but no one's noticed that. Yeah. "Just the Way You Are." That should be the National Anthem. I love you just the way you are, America. And why is Prince doing the halftime show? Everybody knows I'm way better than Prince. Maybe I should just write my own words to this stupid song. Stupid 19th century. I'm the Piano Man!"

Still someone must have liked the way Joel sang it before, since this will actually be a Super Bowl encore for him. The Grammy-winning Piano Man's other delivery of the National Anthem was prior to 1989's Super Bowl, also in South Florida.

Wow, what a gift this is to us. Twice. In one Super Bowl lifetime.

In fact, for a song that gives him problems, Joel sure seems to sing it a lot. "I did it at the Stanley Cup, I did it at the World Series, I did it at Super Bowl XXIII," he said, "so I'm kind of an old dinosaur doing this kind of thing."

I'm sorry, can someone interpret Billy's last quote for me? He's a lot older than I am and must be speaking in a dialectal vernacular that is difficult for me to wrap my brain around.

By the way, asked whom he favors to win – the Chicago Bears or the Indianapolis Colts – Joel replied: "I have no idea. I was rooting for New York."

I hate this garbage too. Look. If the Super Bowl people think enough of you to put you out there as the opening to their biggest event of the year and are obviously paying you way more than you would ever deserve to sing for three minutes, shouldn't you at least pretend to have an interest in the game? Couldn't you just say, "I'm excited to be at the game. It's such a great event, I love getting to go back." Not "well, they're making sing I song I hate at an game between two teams I don't know or care about." Yeah, that doesn't make me want to watch you kick off (so to speak) the event.

So, yeah, I'm excited. Go Billy Joel. Don't screw up.

Look at that Lizard! He picks up rocks as if they're nothing!

I'm not so much a Star Trek fan (a "Trekkie" as the kids call 'em these days), but even I couldn't help but be compelled by the action of this clip.

Here's hoping today's Super Bowl battle can feature action half as exciting as this fight.

Terror of the Mooninites.

Oh man, Boston was engulfed in a bomb scare that, evidently, nearly paralyzed the city. Fortunately, there was no threat, it was just an ad campaign for Aqua Teen Hunger Force. An ad campaign that had apparently been running in several other cities with no problems. Here's a local Boston news report about the incident. And notice how fair and balanced this report is.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Confuses Boston

What I enjoy most about this story is the tone established by the media and law enforcement. There's no sense of relief or anything like that--it's all anger directed toward the ad campaign to divert us all from the fact that they were too stupid to realize that the Light Brights being hung in various places were not actually bombs. My favorite quote might just be when the Police Commissioner assures us that "concern is lessened." Concerned is lessened? Lessened? There is no concern! You figured out the thing was an ad!

And you know those old Energizer Bunny ads that made you think for a moment you were watching an ad for something and then the bunny showed up and it turned out to be an ad for batteries? Yeah, that's a hoax, too.

Nugget.

So, I’m checking out the sport news this morning and see that the NBA All-Star team has been announced in full (yeah, this might not be the most exciting blog entry). So, anyway, the headline for this article is “The Stars Come Out,” which is fine and innocuous, as a SI.com article about something as frivolous but entertaining as an All-Star Game likely should be, but then the subheading reads, “Carmelo does not make squad.”

Now, does every single thing have to have a story attached to it to make it controversial? Can’t some things in our lives just exist as a playful diversion? Does the media have to make everything a controversy? The first six paragraphs in the only SI.com article I found about the announcement of the reserves for the teams were about Carmelo Anthony being left off—before we even mention that three members of one team were picked and the guy who’s the best player on the best team making it on.

Denver Nugget star Carmelo Anthony is a good basketball player who lead the league in scoring but plays in a conference where every team seems to have a superstar or two. But he got into a well-publicized fight (and, oddly enough, every NBA fight becomes well-publicized) and was suspended for a few games, so this omission gives us a chance to remember that. And, honestly, I wouldn’t have even noticed he was missing from the team if the first six paragraphs hadn’t told me. Six.

Now, I could've included a picture of Carmelo Anthony, but that would, it seems to me, indicate I was engaging in the same type of reporting as the people I'm criticizing. So, instead, I include a picture of a Caramello bar, which shares all of its letters with Carmelo's first name.

It seems to have been building in all media over a long period of time – the first reaction on the Oscar nominations was “Dreamgirls got screwed” even though the movies nominated for Best Picture give us more stories and angles than you could possibly want (and Dreamgirls was nominated for a boatload of stuff, just not best picture). Besides, if you want to complain about a movie that should been nominated for Best Picture and didn’t, that would be “Children of Men,” but I’m complaining about said trend, so I shouldn’t engage in it.

I wonder if the WMU English Departmental Newsletter takes this tack with the Creative Writing Awards? “Poetry Awards Announced: Olsen Doesn’t Win.” Likely not. Those jerks'll probably just announce the winners and be done with it. They clearly don't get it.

Oh, and Suns guard Steve Nash, who has made comments critical of the war effort in Iraq, also made the team. He’s also the two-time defending league most valuable player and a likely front-runner to win it again, but who cares about that? Even if he does win it again, we’ll just be talking about how much Kobe was screwed out of the award. Sigh.