Board 2

So, Robin's reply to my last post about the need for a Nip/Tuck board game (which would be genius) made me wonder how exactly that last post of mine didn't end up in a discussion about what TV shows would make great board games.


Emily's Reasons Why Not
This is based on that Heather Graham show that was on last year. The object is to see how long you can play before somebody runs over to the game, takes the board, laughs at you, and then kicks you in the face.

It can be play alongside with the board game based on John Stamos' show Jake in Progress, which, compared to Emily's Reasons Why Not ran had a run that rivaled FDR.

Monk
The object is to win without touching the game board or any of the playing pieces. I'd have more clever things to say if I'd ever seen an episode of Monk But I'm just assuming that that wacky OCD is the driving gag of the show, so there you go.



According to Jim

The object is to collect as many Jim-isms as possible and say them in your best "Jim" voice. One of the most exciting challenges is the fun-filled "What would Jim do" round where you handle tough issues like "It's Jim's anniversary, but the guys are going to play cards. What would Jim do?" Oh, the fun.

Another intriguing aspect of this game is that it goes on for much longer than you'd expect it to. Years, in fact.

The Nine
Just like the Lost board game, except no one will actually play it. But it's the second game on our list with a former cast member of Wings. The Wings board game is still in the developmental stages. 'Cause I can't think of anything funny to say about it (like that's stopped me so far. But still).

Dancing with the (Pet)Stars
This is the dream game for Mario Lopez fans! Each of the playing pieces is Mario from a different stage of his career (Slater Mario, Greg Louganis Mario, Pet Star Mario, That Talk Show that was Kind Of a Male Version of the View Mario, Dancin' Mario) and you move him around the board and have adventures and stuff.

Board.

So, I'm a very exciting person, living a life filled with unexpected turns and wacky twists. I live life on the edge and am never afraid to embrace danger and then kick it in the face.

And all that being said, I kinda like board games. And I kinda like that show Lost that everybody's always talking about. Er, at least I'm always talking about.

So. Lost Board Game. Gold.


Um, well. I don't want to say it's not gold, at least not after one exploratory trip into the game. But I can say that it's the kind of gold that seems kind of neat and shiny when it's sitting all reasonably priced-like in the store then just confuses you with all of its rules once you open the cheaply made tin box. Y'know, that kind of gold.

There are a lot of rules to this game. Here's my proof:
http://www.lostboardgame.com/rules.html

I fully expect you read all of those rules. I'll wait. It's pivotal to your understanding of the rest of this blog.

Okay. You done?

So, there's our problem. I didn't navigate through the four round on-line walkthrough of the game first. Man, Connect Four so totally never required this.

And, really, the thing might be remarkably fun. But Chapel and I just sort of ended up staring at the board for, I dunno, four hours before throwing it aside and grabbing the Candy Land board.

I lied in that last paragraph. I said that Chapel and I stared at the board. That's not true because there is no board. There's this:


Which becomes a board. Sort of. Maybe I guess. I was too busy keeping Boone and Sayid's faces inside the little plastic holders. But they're handsome and stuff, so that's good. Evidently I was supposed to move their faces around and do stuff. But then I read the rules and realized the goal of the game was to simply lay all of the crap out over my table and then read all of the rules. Over and over again. Where I can uncover cool bits of info like this:

If Ana Lucia lands on a Location with an opponent's Character, she must engage them (if more than one are at the same Location, you choose one). If you win a Power Check against a Character, you may choose to Injure that Character.

or this:

The base powers of any Characters adjacent to Claire, but not in a Power Check with Claire, count towards her power in a Power Check. Claire alone may attempt to lead Characters at an adjacent Location.

Yay! Power Checks and adjacent Locations! Count me in!



But at least there's a chance I can play as Shannon and Walt. Because that's what I always wanted out of a board game. Or get Hurley into a fight with Jack. That would equal ratings.

So, anyway, run out and get this game. Even if you've never seen the show. Even if you've never played a board game. Even if you've never read my blog.

Just remember, that board game is filled with secrets.

Oh, and aren't you gald you didn't bother to read all those rules? Geez, you always did know how to defy authority.