Getting stronger

Okay, the thing is--I really like the Rocky movies. I once came to the rather sad conclusion that, no matter what else was on at the same time, I'd likely watch Rocky III if I happened to stumble across it while scanning the channels. As anyone who has watched Rocky III with the least amount of objectivity can attest (and that doesn't include me, of course) it's really kind of terrible. I mean, the plot is paper thin, the fights are ridiculous, the homo-eroticism is kind of silly. But, you know, if nothing else, you get to see Carl Weathers dressed like this:

(Most of this scene consists of Apollo and Rocky running along the beach in slow motion. They wrestle each other to the ground at one point. In sheer joy and happiness. No lie).

Anyway, what with the new Rocky movie coming out in a few weeks, it seems that Rocky-fever is gripping the nation. I mean, really, gripping the nation. Who hasn't felt it? (Put your hands down, America, you wise-crackers). And what with the torrent of conversation about the forthcoming Rocky, we have also experienced a deluge of new Rocky merchandise.

Actually, I have no idea if that's true. It probably isn't. Deluge? Torrent? Yeah, that's stretching it. But I did see some new Rocky action figures in Toys R Us when I was looking for a large foam airplane a couple of months ago and they were--what's the word?--hype. And before I go off on the easy route of jokes here--the whole "what kid would actually want a Paulie action figure?" tirade--obviously these action figures would be less geared toward kids and more geared toward dorks like me that actually think their desk and/or bookcase would benefit from
the addition of this:

And for everyone playing along at home wondering, "What does Jayce want for Christmas?" let it be known that my earlier comment was a joke. My bookcase would not benefit from having a Paulie doll. It would benefit, however, from this....

Holy Crap! It's a Brent Musberger action figure! This might be stupidest action figure that has ever existed in the history of the world (and, yeah, that's a challenge. Please prove me wrong). But still, Brent Musberger? The sportscaster? I'm really holding out hope that the figure is so popular that an entire wave of sportscaster action figures follow. Oh, the possibilities. But those possibilities, dear reader, I leave to you. Because now I have something bigger on which to focus my attention. I must focus my attention to this:

There are no words, my friends. There are simply no words.