Weekend

Heading out to Vegas (why is it that I always spell that "vegan" when I first type it out -- I've almost assuredly written "Vegas" out more than I written "Vegan" -- hmmmm. I wonder if this says anything about the way I subconsciously view my identity. Anyway, let's get back to the main text and get out of this parenthetical. I might be getting off topic. Or perhaps I've written too little to actually be off-topic) this weekend (the first part of this sentence was "Heading out to Vegas" in case you forgot) for both a family visit and a dog show. The dog show part of this involves Willow and Chapel participating in an Obedience Competition. Fortunately, no frisbee catching at this competition.



Which is exciting because that means that they're actually doing stuff in order to earn ribbons (unlike the fancy dogs on the TV) but what she's doing is mostly behaving, like following nicely behind Chapel when she's supposed to and remaining in a stay for several minutes (which should make for riveting entertainment when watching other dogs). Anyway, wish us luck.

Scrubbing the TV

I don't hate Scrubs (that charming doctor vehicle) and, while I'm admittedly not totally smitten with it, I find it occasionally amusing. Since Chapel and an earlier roomie of mine like it, I have watched more of it than I ever would have on my own and while, from time to time, I would complain about this (it's expected, you know), for the most part, I can deal with it.

Something (the product of extensive tv watching, er, research) occurred to me recently though. This blasted show is on ALL the time. All the time. What's up with this? There is never a moment when this show is not available to be watched on my local cable affiliate. Is there some reason for this?

And, really, no punchline for this post. That show is just on all the time. Really.

The Dog That Can't Catch

You know those amazing dogs that can catch Frisbee and balls and all sorts of things with ease? Well, we don't have one of those dogs. She seems to enjoy the "not catching" part of the game of catch. Really, she seems to go out of her to make sure she never has a chance of actually catching anything. It's an art. Here are a few pictures of this artist and her craft.



Let's start with a football. Well, this one doesn't seem to be going well...the ball appears to still be landing and she already looking toward the ground.



Keep your eye on the ball. And by that I mean don't keep any eyes on any balls. Anywhere.



She's focused on something in the air. Unfortunately, the ball has already landed.




This one looks promising. And, honestly, let's just say it all worked out. The she jumped way in the air and easily caught it. That she didn't have the toy bounce out of her mouth at the last moment for no reason at all. Yep. It all worked out.



This one never had a chance.


And this one likely didn't either.


Let's blame the throw on this one, shall we?



And this one isn't worth trying.



Again, seems to be going well. Unfortunately, this was mere seconds before the ball bounced off her teeth, bounced toward the fence and rolled to the driveway. Oh the drama.


She found pumpkin guts in the backyard. That was more interesting than the thing whizzing past her head.

So there you have it. Look for Willow in next year's "Dogs that can't catch" reality show. She's the breakout star.

The Disappointed Multitudes

I'm updating the blog today to both greet and apologize to the inevitable masses who will be looking at this site to see what I wore for Halloween. I know, I know....my reputation for Halloween goofiness has been on a tear over the last few years, but this year, I've taken a break. I'm entitled to that. I stayed at home, wore normal-ish clothes, watched Scream and Sweeney Todd and handed out candy to a few of Price, Utah's little ones. I also smashed my finger in a door, but that's not really related to anything. I just haven't gotten all the whining out of my system, so I decided to share.

Anyway to make up for the lack of Halloween-ing from me, I figured I should post some pictures of Halloweens gone by so you can see the great moments of yesteryear. And pretend I wore all of these at once last night if that makes you feel better.



Here I'm Einstein Disguised as Robin Hood, after the lyric in Dylan's "Desolation Row." For the record, everyone got it. Everyone. No one stared at me for a while trying to understand what in the world I was supposed to be before walking away confused after I told them. Why would you think that anyway?



I'm Alfalfa from the The Little Rascals from several years back. Geez, what a dork I used to be. Glad I'm past that. For the record, that crazy hair was a challenge.


This is me and Chapel from last year when we went as Jim and Pam from the office. This one was a challenge for me because I had to do so little. Halloween is usually so much more work. I mean, I had everything (well, I did have to buy a solid black tie but I ended up wearing that on job interviews, so I can't say that was that much of an expense). But yeah, Chapel had to do all the work on that.


You know how difficult it was to capture me in a photo when I was wearing this costume? I mean, I was really fast.


Ah, the Karate Kid in the shower costume. This might be the only costume that fought me back, constantly collapsing and nearly crashing on me. Still, though, it held up better than it should have and it is perhaps the most visually impressive. One thing I've learned in my short time in Utah -- when I described this costume to my students last year in Michigan, no one knew the movie enough to tell me what Daniel-san wore to the Halloween party before I described my costume in its full glory. Here, everyone seemed to know. They must teach the Karate Kid in the elementary schools here.


And this one isn't technically from Halloween (boy, isn't that a depressing thing to admit), but it'll fit anyway. Man, am I intimidating or what?

Sadly, there were a couple of costumes I didn't have pictures for at the ready -- Ace Ventura from the back in the day and the time I dressed up like a pencil from even further back. Still, this will hopefully do. Happy Halloween weekend, all!

Spokane Chiefs drop the Memorial Cup

Man, I miss those Chiefs games...

Poem Ideas? Anyone?

I'm going into the oral surgeon today for a procedure, so wish me luck. I'll likely be out of commission for a day or two (if my getting my wisdom teeth pulled is any indication) so besides warning the world that I might not be as, um, articulate as I occasionally am, I'll also need some help.

I'm trying to write 30 poems in the month of April (that's a poem a day for those following along), but I'm running out of ideas. So. Help? Fair readers, drop me some advice on potential topics for these poems I'm attempting to write? Got a wacky pop-culture idea? A serious theme for an ode? A surreal romp? Throw those ideas my way. I'll need help all the way through the end of April, so help early and often.

Thanks for your help! Looking forward for your responses...

Scroll Wheel

I don't know about your relationship with the scroll wheel, but I love it. Love it. When it comes to a mouse, if it doesn't have a scroll wheel, it might as well not exist. Okay, this is overly harsh and really not entirely true. I've had plenty of solid, worthwhile relationships with mice that didn't have scroll wheels. But those weren't the types of relationships I had to mourn much over when they were through. This is different.

This is my mouse.


That's right. Two scrolls wheels on that thing. One for up and down and another for left and right. There's so much power in that much scrolling. I mean, I'm capable of going all over the place. It's really remarkable.

But, sadly, those scroll wheels on that beautiful mouse are just for show. Yep, neither one of them works anymore. And when I tried to reload the mouse software to attempt to get it back and going, the software caused my entire system to crash and I had to reboot the thing. I admit, it was a difficult betrayal for me to deal with. But I'm dealing. I am.

So I made a movie dedicated to my broken mouse. Yeah, it was painful to me to watch, too.

Vote!

Okay...this is a fantasy baseball post. You've been warned. You don't have to read it. I mean, I'd rather you did, but whatever.

Somebody still there? Good. Last year, I participated in a fantasy baseball keeper league. Basically the deal with that is that you get to take any six guys from last year's team and carry them over and start with those guys when building your team for the new season. Whoever had the team before me evidently hadn't paid much attention to the team in, well, ever, so the players I started with were pretty middling. Still, through plenty of hard work and dumb luck, I ended up having a pretty good season, finishing second in the playoffs.

Well, the new season is about to being and I have to declare my keepers once again. I have five of my keepers decided, but I'm up in the air on the last one. Here's who I'm keeping:

Brandon Phillips (2B - Reds)
C.C. Sabathia (SP - Indians)
Erik Bedard (SP - Mariners)
Alex Rios (OF - Blue Jays)
Troy Tulowitzki (SS - Rockies)

I need to keep one more guy. So, that's were you come in. I've set up a poll on the side of the screen that lists six choices for my last keeper. See it? It's blue abd has the names of baseball players in it. Your choices are:

Howie Kendrick (2B - Angels)
Ryan Zimmerman (3B - Nationals)
Hideki Matsui (OF - Yankees)
Yonvani Gallardo (SP - Brewers)
Daisuke Matsuzaka (SP - Red Sox)
Joe Nathan (RP - Twins)

Well, who should it be? Please discuss this all-important issue by adding comments if you feel like it and be sure to vote! I'll use the poll results as of Feb 24th to choose my final keeper. Choose wisely! My fate rests in your hands!

Roger Clemens' Lie

So, many are in agreement that Roger Clemens was lying about a lot of stuff yesterday. Thanks to watching Morning Joe on MSNBC this morning (since I wasn't able to watch the hearing yesterday because of a marathon dental visit -- but I'm feeling fine today, thanks for asking), I found out about this very significant question exchange:

Rep. Bruce Braley (D-Iowa) asked Clemens if he was a vegan. Clemens stumbled through his answer saying that he was sorry but he didn't know what a vegan was. Hmmmm. This answer was filled was more ums and uhs than you can possibly imagine.

So, yeah, I'm not convinced that Clemens is telling the truth. His body language clearly indicated that he was lying on this one, but why was Clemens lying?

Well, I'm a vegan. I also write poetry and was born in Southern California. He's an athlete from Texas. Perhaps admitting his veganism would ruin his reputation. Steriods are bad enough, but he's also unable to eat Manwich in its intended form? This would be unforgivable.

I hope Roger Clemens does some serious soul-searching and realizes that fessing up on this issue is really the best thing to do Just tell us you're vegan. Your obsessive need to inject massive amounts of B-12 into your body? Makes sense now (though, really, I usually just use a B-12 spray, but maybe it's trickier for Clemens to absorb stuff in his system than it is for me. I believe he is about 10x as large as I am, and that's only in the cranial region to start). We understand why Roger created this "steroid smoke screen" in order to distract from being outed as a vegan.

But it's okay, Roger Clemens You've got friends. Maybe if you're not busy tomorrow, we can go protest the circus or something.

An Open Letter to Netflix

Dear Netflix,

I first off just want to say you guys are great. I mean, really great. The service is solid, the movie selection top-notch. All in all, everything is just peachy. But you've got something of mine. And I want it back.

I recently recently rented and watched 12 Angry Men -- a study in anger, men, and the number 12 if I ever saw one. Good stuff, especially the frequent close-ups on the old man juror in which he looks mostly terrified and I remember laughing at when I first saw the movie in tenth grade. Anyway, I watched the movie and, in the dark before heading off to bed, slid it into one of those wonderfully convenient sleeves and envelopes of yours and sent it back. But, much to my surprise, when I opened the dvd player the next day, 12 Angry Men was still there. Still angry, all 12 of 'em.

So what did I send back to Netflix if not 12 Angry Men? I opened my dvd cases frantically:

(Okay, that's technically a reenactment. I didn't really lay the open case upon my luxurious bedspread). But what was it, you ask? What treasure from my collection did I accidentally send to you, my fine friends at Netflix? Why, it was....

I believe this set Kory back a dollar at Target. But price doesn't matter. What matters is that is was a Christmas gift. (really). What matters is that Lyn was about to teach me how to pour water into a cup and make a ice cube magically appear. And, because I accidentally sent this back to you, Netflix, instead of 12 Angry Men, I'll never know.

So, Netflix, I'd appreciate it if you'd send Lyn and her amazing magic back to me. I just had a vision of all the Netflix employees magically making ice cubes appears out of nowhere and it made me sad because I'll never know how they did it.

Randy Savage Interview

I would like to think that Randy Savage would be a heck of a motivational speaker if he were ever, you know, motivated.

I'm posting this classic clip as sort of a nostalgic longing for the ol' days of pro wrestling, before the terrible stuff that's been happening lately but, really, I think Macho Man Randy Savage might be proof that there could have been a steroid/cocaine problem back in the '80's. I mean, look at this guy. Listen to this guy. What is he talking about?

But it doesn't matter. I mean, wow, I could listen to him all day.

Well, for three minutes, anyway.

Is the Price Right?

So Drew Carey will be the new host of the Price is Right. I guess that's okay and really, seeing as how I've never really watched the show much, it really doesn't matter to me. And, honestly, watching an entire episode of The Price is Right is pretty much a symbolic way of letting yourself completely go. An hour? You expect me to commit an hour to a game show? Everyday? But Drew Carey is the new host and, evidently, Rosie O'Donnell was considered. I've put together another list, of other people who ought to have been considered for the host of The Price is Right.

Wink Martindale -- I mean, come on, Price is Right, you've got a formula. You've been kicking it old school for, like, 60 years. Keep on the path. Just keep finding these old game show hosts and cycling through them. Wink would like the work -- he's been doing those commercials for that travel website or something. I don't know. I didn't pay attention. But, really, look at that suit. And maybe he cares about animals being spayed and neutered, too. Or...

Michael Vick, Atlanta Falcons QB. Y'know, shake things up. We've heard that "get you pet spade or neutered" thing from Barker for far too longer. I bet Mike Vick would have a different take. Besides, he might not be playing much this years what with all that bad press from the killing dogs thing. It's a risk, but he's got potential.

Jonathan Pryce, the well-respected British Actor. It'll give the show some class. And they can call it "The Pryce is Right" Oh man, what that'll do for ratings. Imagine there's a picture of him above this paragraph. It's really far more interesting when you pretend there's a picture of him.

This website lists the strengths of actor William Hurt as his ability to "go deep into character" and to "convey constrained emotion." I think that sounds like a good game show host to me. And, like Pryce, he'd be all classy and stuff. This is a solid choice. He might be busy, though.

Crispin Glover. I would watch this show. Every day. Period.

Well, okay, if Drew Carey has to be the host, Wayne Brady should be the "Come on down" guy. So he can hijack another show from Carey by being funnier, more talented, etc. but in a foolishly supporting role. Hmm...this could go on forever. It shouldn't. Any ideas? I'm all sexist and whatnot and didn't have a woman on my list. Kellie Pickler would be my first thought. Any others?

Bender Bites

Since I blogged earlier about Bender's morning habits, I felt it only right to post a picture of he and I together. Yeah, those are his teeth. And that look on my face is pain. But I did hold on long enough to get the picture.

Clockwork

Like clockwork every morning, Bender pushes open the door to my room with his face, jumps into my bed, and purrs loudly while pressing his head against me. Yeah, yeah, it's cute and if this is how he wants to wake me up, it's much better than the old "sitting in the hallway outside the door and meow 'till he gets up strategy" but what is most amazing about it is that every morning, when he wakes me up, I roll over to look at the clock at the time will be 6:01. Maybe there will be a minute or two difference occasionally, but usually not. He's very reliable. I wish I could set him ahead an hour, but that doesn't seem to work. He's on a tight schedule.

Also, I finished HP 7. Exciting stuff. I won't write anything about it since I'm not one of those spoiler-types. Well, I wanted to publish a spoiler, but I couldn't figure out how to do that thing where you can't see the words without highlighting over them, so instead I'll say this: I sometimes have hair like Harry Potter. See, this isn't a spoiler. I just have Harry Potter hair on occasion. It's good when I need to dress like Potter, which, oddly, has happened more often than it should. End spoiler.

And also, my friend Matt Browning has been working on a cool new site called rednow, a experiment in wonder. I would recommend checking it out--it's a neat idea really well executed. The site can be found here: http://www.rednow.com/

Dueling Dolans

So, the Emmy nominations are out today and, well, LOST wasn't nominated for Best Drama. But even when I felt that these Emmy nominating jerk didn't deserve any of my attention, I decided to check the nominees anyway. And, hey, Tim Daly was nominated for a best guest starring role for his work on The Sopranos. Why do I care, you ask? Am I such a fan of Wings that I long to see success for all of its former cast, from Tim Daly to Lowell to even that largish obnoxious mustachioed man that gave our Wings friends a hard time? Well, yeah, but there's more to it than that. See, Tim Daly played a character who was a writer/screenwriter named J.T. Dolan. Here is Daly as J.T. Dolan:

Now, at Western Michigan University, we have a member of our Creative Writing Faculty who has worked on screenplays in addition to his memoir Phoenix and his forays into fiction. His name, J.D. Dolan:

Hmmm. Perhaps J.D. will eventually shed some light on this "coincidence."

List

Because I provided no list for those who want to play along at home...

The Wikipedia listing for the 2007 top 100 movies list (and the original list) is here.

Obviously some of the movies that have been dropped are fairly indefensible, especially in terms of what replaces them. It's interesting to note that there are four movies made since the original list that are on here -- and they're Titanic, Lord of the Rings 1, The Sixth Sense, and Saving Private Ryan. Who would actually name these four movies as the four best American films of the last ten years? No L.A. Confidential? Wow.

Anyway, I don't want to linger on the larger list, because it is a discussion that would go on forever. So, I'll let you guys do it.

Movies

So, I decided I should watch a lot of movies. This is not a decision that came quickly or without thought. After much liberation and discussion (with me), I have decided to watch a lot of movies.

What movies, you ask? Well, the American Film Institute's recently updated Top 100 American Films of All-Time list, selected by a panel that consists, evidently , of Steven Spielberg and Jimmy Stewart, (okay, Jimmy Stewart's dead, but he's in a lot of these movies). I made this decision because, upon looking at the list (updated in 2007 after being originally developed in 1997), I realized I either hadn't seen as many of these movies as I should or it's been so long since I've seen them, I've all but forgotten their artistic/cultural/etc. value. So, I intend to go from 100 to 1 and watch 'em all.

So, I shall begin the 100 movies. Keep in mind, this isn't a 100 movies in 100 nights thing, either. This is just 100 movies in whatever nights. No pressure. And I've technically already begun. I am currently awaiting the Netflix arrival of movie #96.

Stay tuned to my blog where (really) I will write (hopefully not too) sporadic write-ups of these movies.

But enough talk, I've got a kickball double-header tonight. I need to get prepared. And by prepared I mean sitting in my bed and trembling at the thought of someone throwing the ball at me.

Crispin Glover on Letterman

I stumbled across this on YouTube and I dedicate it to all of you Crispin Glover fans out there. He's a genius. Or something.

The Tree that Didn't Fall

It could have been bad. Really bad. But ultimately it looks as if all the "worst case scenarios" were simply helpful experience for the coming zombie apocalypse or whatever else is on the brink of happening.

What was it, you ask? Well, it was something that could have been bad.

I like trees. But sometimes trees lose their way. This happened in my world because the tree outside our house begin to show some very realistic signs of wanting to fall. Like this:


And Jane (who owns the house) came and did this:

Which, as silly looking and orange as it might be, evidently saved us all. Some guys came to cut the tree out this morning and told us it was being held by a single branch and that the silly looking orange strap allowed it to stay in place. So, crisis averted. The tree didn't fall into the street and knock out power lines or fall into our house and knock out Roy and Mandie's bird.

Good thing, too. Because yesterday Kevin and I had a conversation -- wait, "conversation" -- with the strange old lady next door who told us that she would sue everybody if that tree fell into her house. And, oh, if that happened (which would, of course, also had defied every law of physics, but whatever) it would be like "when Grant took Richmond." Really. She said that. Like two or three times in the conversation. "If that tree falls on my house it'll be like when Grant took Richmond."

Fortunately, it was fairly peaceful. So Grant didn't have to take Richmond at all. Whew.

One last look? Sure:

Kevinfest Day #5

Kevinfest wrapped up with a trip to the world of professional academia, as Day #5 took us to the New Play Project and a series of plays that featured a play by one of Kevin's former students (he was my student too, but this is about me. He was my student twice, really, but again, not about me). So we went to support a student and rub noses with professorial colleagues like....

Steve Feffer, Kevin's prof, friend, etc. etc. He's my friend too, but y'know, not about me.
Steve's wife was there too. And, well, this picture is about me (and Laura). So there.

Here Chapel and Kevin stand in the lobby at intermission. I got locked out of the theater sneaking out to make a phone call after the first of two plays before the intermission. Served me right, likely.

Michelle and Kevin -- attending all five nights of Kevinfest. She deserves a gold star. Somebody give her a gold star.

Chapel can have a gold star too.

So, Kevinfest is a wrap and it was a rousing, exhausting success. Thanks to everyone who made appearances and who issued well-wishes. Day #5 continued after I left but I haven't spoken to anybody about what happened after the New Play Project, but I can speculate that Kevinfest continued to rock until the bitter end. Now, some sleep.